Nests

My nest is almost empty.  The last  little bird -  don't tell him I called him that - is set to fly off on his own at some point next year.  My house will be very quiet and another chapter in my story and his will close.  I think about my children's cute round faces smiling up at me,  the shoes in the middle of the floor, the phone cords stretched from room to room (back when phones had cords) and I wonder where the time went.   I am assured though, that as one facet of motherhood passes, another takes its place and will be just as important to my children's development and growth as people as the last.  I heard someone mourn... my kids are growing up; they don't need me anymore..., but as I travelogue the last 25 years of parenting  I am convinced that it is not that our children need us less as they grow - they just need us differently.

For instance:

They won't need us to change their diapers, but they will need us to teach them that if something "stinks" in their lives they have the ability to change it.  We have to show them by our example that they are not stuck anywhere unless they choose to be, and no matter how big, deep, and lasting the pile of crap they find themselves in, it will never trump the power of a good decision whenever it is made.

We won't tie their shoes anymore, but they do need to know that "home"ties are a good thing and that it is important to know where they came from.  While some of our history's may not have contained all that we hoped or needed, we can build on what we have experienced and/or overcome.  I saw this sign on a wall in a jail classroom while doing outreach, "Don't be discouraged.  Everyone who got where he is started where he was."  Let them know that no matter where life takes them they will always be welcome at home. Let's agree to leave the light on for them.


We will no longer have to know the answer to "....why is the sky blue?"  but our kids need to appreciate that knowledge and understanding is the key to freedom - so take a class, get a diploma, complete a degree, read a book, learn or create something and let your children see you doing it.  Teach them that there is nothing wrong with asking why, how, or if AND taking the time to wait for an answer before moving forward,  no matter how old you are . Let them see that the phrase I was just raised that way is a bullet point on a treasure map for apathy.  Show them that learning and growing are good things by doing them yourself.

Kisses on bandaged knees will fade away, but they will never outgrow the comfort of our love and support -- especially when they fall.  There will be plenty of time for I-told-you-so's; but a hand-up and reassuring word will restore confidence and repair a broken spirit, accomplishing more than any lecture or pointed finger ever could.   Remember how much it meant (or could have meant) if that kind of grace had been extended to us when we were feeling down..

Here's the thing:  the only absolute when it comes to parenting is that our children will grow up  preferably with or unfortunately without us. Our roles and influence will change,  but maybe we can look at our nests years from now and see a beautiful, well-worn springboard rather than a flimsy pile of well-meaning twigs.

We are all growing up. :)

 Love is kind and patient, never jealous, boastful, proud, or  rude.  Love isn’t selfish or quick tempered.

It doesn’t keep a record of wrongs that others do.  Love rejoices in the truth, but not in evil. Love is always supportive, loyal, hopeful, and trusting.   Love never fails