An Inconvenient Tryth

I was told something yesterday that I had known in my heart for a long time.  I just avoided it, you know, like the elephant in the room that we have all heard about.  I couldn't put it off anymore so I asked a difficult question and after a long pause  heard the words I guessed would come.  You know what? Even though I was pretty sure about  the response I would get, it still hurt like hell, the double you over kind, where you feel like no one should be able to endure it and live -- that kind of hurt.  I stood there and took it, knowing that each word was like a prod to the elephant I had been avoiding.  The elephant that was now pacing defiantly in the middle of  room, daring me to do something about it.   Ready or not. 

 While comforting in the short term, self imposed naivete will always result in an elephant in the room.  We can put our feet up on it and pretend it is an ottoman, or drape it with a tablecloth, or decorate it like a Christmas tree,  but it is still an elephant, an inconvenient truth, that we may not want to, but have to face.

"Sure  she drinks everyday.   She needs help to relax."

"That's not abuse, that's passion." 
",,,no, no, really.  I'll pay you next Tuesday..."

"....I know. 'But he says loves me...?"

I am sure if none of these ring a bell you can add your own.

Even with the best of intentions we only prolong and inflate our personal cost when we can't be honest with ourselves and others.     Avoiding truth will not strengthen your relationship.  Ignoring signs does not allow room for a change that you know isn't coming and not talking about issues won't make them go away.  In fact I can tell you with certainty that it makes it worse because rather than get your pain all at once (which is bad enough) you get it little bit every day and with a nice nip at your self esteem to boot.  Lucky, huh? All I  had done  by avoiding the confrontation was postpone the inevitable. No matter what I hoped would happen, I couldn't pretend that the truth I already knew was a cute elephant shaped  "lamp" and dance around it any longer.

Here's the thing:  there is nothing to be gained from a lie and the worst lies are the ones we tell ourselves.   The truth, while inconvenient, painful, and hard sometimes, really does make you free .....or I know where you can get a deal on an extra large bag of peanuts and a giant pooper-scooper.

Trust me, you are gonna need them.