Love

I believe in love.  There is someone or someone(s) in the world for each of us.  I don't think that there is only one special person.  Compatibility is part chemistry and part choice.  This whole concept of "falling" in love is romantic, but at my age (and somewhat jaded sensibilities) I have to approach the idea with a bit more practicality.

Ok -- the chemistry part.  Yes, there can be definite heat between people.  You catch someone's eye and get the chills, heart pounding, bedroom eyes thing, etc.   'But then they open their mouths and it all goes to pot because they say something stupid.  Brad Pitt turns into PeeWee Herman  (No offense to PeeWee, I am sure he is a great guy).  Real chemistry is in your head.  It shouldn't be hinged solely on the way a person looks because, let's face it, if you are lucky enough to have a long term relationship our features change, beauty fades, tummies bulge, and hair lines recede.   You have to have game, "swagger" - if you will.  You have to make them think; you have to make them "consider".  Personally,  I am  attracted to a person's  humor, ideas, and opinions much sooner than I am  blown away by a smile.  The smile is great, but it won't keep me interested for long if the land behind it is a rocky, desert place void of intelligent life.

What can I say about choice?  Sincerely, when it comes to anything lasting, I  believe that we choose who and how we love.   We have homogenized the word by applying it nonchalantly to so many inanimate things. It bothers me to hear people say "I can't help it, I just LOVE HIM/HER."  Shut up!! Of course you can help it.  We act like love falls out of the sky and

flattens us like a piano as if  there is no thought , no process, no active participation. To me,  love is the overwhelming desire  to see someone achieve their best selves- emotionally, spiritually, personally, and committing to be a part of their journey at any cost . Love is a verb.   Love is what you do.  Lust is what you feel and lust and it's potent partners, infatuation,  greed, guilt, and panic are the happy engineers of many an unfortunate pairing.   We waste time with the wrong person for what seems like the right reasons because we throw intuition and common sense to the wind as if the rules of life don't apply to you. Good luck with that.

Here's the thing about choosing a partner:

1. Project what you expect.  Don't just look for a dreamboat,  be one.
2. When you meet a person who is so cool that if you could not be with them you would still want to be their friend, they are a " keeper".
3. Kissing a lot of frogs will lead to salmonella.  'Nuff said.
4. It's okay to change your mind.
5. A person doesn't have to be 100% of what you want.  Pick someone who has 70 or 75, but is willing to work like heck to get the rest.   Be willing to return the favor because you aren't perfect either.
6. You  teach people how to treat you -- don't settle for less.  It takes very little effort to be kind.
7. Of course, when someone shows you who they  really are believe them -- the first time.
8. You can't change anyone.  It never works.
9. Never.
10. No, really...Never.