Bridge from Broken

Vacant: Empty. An unoccupied place.

 Our lives are peppered with a few extreme highs and  lows.  Its the lows that get to us. They siphon our  energy and drain our joy until we become the living, (barely) breathing  epitome of the word vacant.   Well meaning folks will see your struggle and encourage you to take what they believe will be an  easy way out.  For the kind of low that I am talking about however,  easy outs do not exist because they are usually full of emotion and drama, neither of which are going to be of any use to you; they will only compound the negativity in the end.  We all want hard times to be over quickly so we can stop feeling like there are a million pins sticking in us 24/7. To really overcome though, we have to do things as right as we can and that will not happen overnight no matter how much we want it to for ourselves or the people we care for.  Where I come from that kind of spiritual vacancy is called "brokenness".

To me,  brokenness is the profound realization that something longed for is not available.  It is the hardship of  missing anything desperately wanted:  a relationship, a job, a dream, etc.   Whatever it is, we realize that the object of our desire  as we see it, is not coming in the way we envisioned or not coming at all. It can make us feel depleted, even stupid  for hoping, as if somehow we should have known that that person,  achievement, or goal was not for us. 

While the source of our difficulties vary the effects can be similar.   I only say this because I know what it is to feel beat down and want to shut the world out; I know what it is to be broken.   The last time was right before I made the decision to end my marriage.  I knew we were in trouble and  I did not want to leave any stone unturned.  I went to counseling, I spoke to my pastor, I read books, I talked to my spouse and I prayed.  I prayed and prayed and prayed, but nothing changed (more about that in a later post).   I looked at myself, considered my own culpability,  assessed  my family situation and inventoried the damage.   It was humbling..  Since I knew that young eyes were looking at me, and I would not have time for the nervous breakdown that I deserved, I decided to hold it together.  Somehow I had to try and  find a way out of the darkness.  I had to build a bridge from broken.

This is what made it possible for me to speak to you from the other side of brokenness.   Perhaps it will be helpful to you:

• Do everything that you can to remedy the situation and do it wholeheartedly, even if you are doing it alone. You will never regret any sincere effort to make things right.
• Be honest with yourself about your contribution to the hardship.   Own your part.  If you make excuses for your poor decisions you are giving yourself permission to make them again.  
• Avoid the tendency to vilify or martyr the players in your drama.  People are people and brokenness is contagious; some folks come by it honestly.  Forgive them and forgive yourself.   If you are having problems with that just remember that forgiveness is not absolution, it simply releases you from the expectation that a person or a situation is ever going to change.   Forgiveness  gives you the authority to move on.
• Choose to learn http://www.havefaithlifelessons.com/2013/02/change.html
• If you have done everything that you know to do put a period at the end of it and plan the first of many small steps to dig out.  Don't bite off more than you can chew or think too far ahead.  Figure out what you have to do to feel whole TODAY.  Tomorrow will take care of itself. 

Here's the thing:  If you are feeling broken today don't despair- you are going to be OK.  Things may look dismal right this minute, but it will not last forever.  You are not a hostage; brokenness can not keep you there with out your expressed permission and bear in mind, to keep you broken, that permission must be given day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute.   You get to decide when you have had enough.

If you are experiencing a vacancy of  spirit right now the good news is that a vacancy  means that there is room. Empty space is available for laughter and love   There is room for all the goodness and  hope that you can stand.   A vacancy means that there is space to be filled with wisdom and compassion for other bridge builders along the way.  You can do this.  Take a deep breath and get to work on your bridge from broken. Lets get it ready....We are ready.

I am ready.