Nests

My nest is almost empty.  The last  little bird -  don't tell him I called him that - is set to fly off on his own at some point next year.  My house will be very quiet and another chapter in my story and his will close.  I think about my children's cute round faces smiling up at me,  the shoes in the middle of the floor, the phone cords stretched from room to room (back when phones had cords) and I wonder where the time went.   I am assured though, that as one facet of motherhood passes, another takes its place and will be just as important to my children's development and growth as people as the last.  I heard someone mourn... my kids are growing up; they don't need me anymore..., but as I travelogue the last 25 years of parenting  I am convinced that it is not that our children need us less as they grow - they just need us differently.

For instance:

They won't need us to change their diapers, but they will need us to teach them that if something "stinks" in their lives they have the ability to change it.  We have to show them by our example that they are not stuck anywhere unless they choose to be, and no matter how big, deep, and lasting the pile of crap they find themselves in, it will never trump the power of a good decision whenever it is made.

We won't tie their shoes anymore, but they do need to know that "home"ties are a good thing and that it is important to know where they came from.  While some of our history's may not have contained all that we hoped or needed, we can build on what we have experienced and/or overcome.  I saw this sign on a wall in a jail classroom while doing outreach, "Don't be discouraged.  Everyone who got where he is started where he was."  Let them know that no matter where life takes them they will always be welcome at home. Let's agree to leave the light on for them.


We will no longer have to know the answer to "....why is the sky blue?"  but our kids need to appreciate that knowledge and understanding is the key to freedom - so take a class, get a diploma, complete a degree, read a book, learn or create something and let your children see you doing it.  Teach them that there is nothing wrong with asking why, how, or if AND taking the time to wait for an answer before moving forward,  no matter how old you are . Let them see that the phrase I was just raised that way is a bullet point on a treasure map for apathy.  Show them that learning and growing are good things by doing them yourself.

Kisses on bandaged knees will fade away, but they will never outgrow the comfort of our love and support -- especially when they fall.  There will be plenty of time for I-told-you-so's; but a hand-up and reassuring word will restore confidence and repair a broken spirit, accomplishing more than any lecture or pointed finger ever could.   Remember how much it meant (or could have meant) if that kind of grace had been extended to us when we were feeling down..

Here's the thing:  the only absolute when it comes to parenting is that our children will grow up  preferably with or unfortunately without us. Our roles and influence will change,  but maybe we can look at our nests years from now and see a beautiful, well-worn springboard rather than a flimsy pile of well-meaning twigs.

We are all growing up. :)

 Love is kind and patient, never jealous, boastful, proud, or  rude.  Love isn’t selfish or quick tempered.

It doesn’t keep a record of wrongs that others do.  Love rejoices in the truth, but not in evil. Love is always supportive, loyal, hopeful, and trusting.   Love never fails

Intersections

This past year was full of adventures: I registered for and ran my very first races, one of them a half marathon -13.1 miles.  Hello! Freakin' awesome!! I decided to finish a degree begun almost 30 years ago. I managed to hold it together personally although not all of the characters in my passion play are kind or fair, and most important my beloveds are all OK and moving forward in their own way. While some of the things that happened this year were not foreseen, most occurred as a result of not wanting to stay where I was, not wanting to be sedentary, or not wanting where I am right now to be the epilogue of my story. For me, the biggest obstacle to accomplishing anything is a willingness to take responsibility for the "now". Every day we are faced with decisions that will either propel us forward or put another staple in our familiar.


It's like coming to an intersection. Some have lights that tell us when, where, and how to move and others are blind where you have to pause and wait your turn before proceeding.  I have grown from them both.   I'm grateful for the traffic lights that told me specifically when to start and stop providing safe passage when and if I was smart enough to listen and I learned to trust my instincts at the ones without them, depending on faith and discernment to get from one point to the next.   Each cross was worth it. Each intersection showed me something about myself, the people around me or how  I choose to live, and each one moved me a little bit further than I had been before.   You have heard me say before "...a baby step is still a step..."  Small victories count.  Maybe your year has been the same.


I saw a meme that read "This time next year you will wish that you started today," That is 100% true. I am thankful for every new beginning that I  had this year and equally as thankful for the "endings" because even though something that I loved, wanted or hoped for stopped or ceased to exist in the way that I was used to, I learned that I can get through it and still land on my feet.


Here's the thing: Over the next 12 months we are going to come to many intersections- some will have signals telling us exactly what to do and when to do it. Others will require tapping into our experiences, character, and integrity to get from one place to the other. If you are standing at an intersection right now I hope you step off the curb. I hope you throw caution to the wind and go from what you are used to to what's on the other side because your life is over there. If we are committed to seeing good things happen this year let's accept that almost everything where we are right will be a part of our past and sometimes we have to let those things go to move forward.  It may be scary to step off the curb into something new, especially with so much of life rushing by, but there is nothing to be gained by staying put. Everything that you want in life is in your forward press. Look both ways, yes - but then take a deep breath and RUN.

How to Know When it is Over

Someone asked me tearfully "...He says that he loves me.  We get along great most of the time. I don't want to be alone. How do I know when it is really over?"  

I thought a moment and then I told them this "fable".

     

You love a person. You have the best times together, but once a month they climb up on your side of the bed and take a huge dump. (Now I know that is graphic and may be offensive to some but just stay with me for a minute). 

      Let's say after they do that they just get up off the bed and walk away and leave it for you to find and clean up. You love them so you do. You can't believe that they would do something like that on purpose so you don't say anything about it; you don't want to embarrass them -  maybe it was just an accident, but a few weeks later you come home from work and there it is --  another heaping pile of poop on your side of the bed!

      Okay now you're beginning to wonder what is up with this. You guys are so great together. You can make each other laugh. You feel so close. Why would they do something like that? You confront them about it.  They agree to go to counseling and you do. You give it a couple of months and dang it if you don't come home to find poo on the side of the bed  AND in the living room. The cat is playing with it!  Now you're mad. You tell them that this is unacceptable, that you have had it and if they don't stop leaving piles of crap all around the house you are through. They just look at you with a blank stare and don't say anything back.

      Soon the holidays are coming and things have been going great. You have people coming in from out of town. Right before you open the door to welcome your guests to Thanksgiving you notice a huge pile on the dining room table right next to the turkey. Not only that, but they have managed to smear the curtains as well! You can't believe it! WTH! You notice your kids are starting to do it. Your friends don't want to come around anymore because, you know, its weird at your place  What do you do?

      You give them another chance and they say they're really really sorry and you'd like to believe them, but they've just handed you your Christmas present....and the box is warm.

     Here's the thing:   You teach people how to treat you. Whether its cheating, lying, addiction(s),  inattention, or taking you for granted, how much s***  you are willing to put up with and let your children live with (if you have any) is entirely up to you.

Brave

      Recently I ran my first 6k.  Now for those of you who run 10ks, 14ks, half and full marathons that is not much and I take my hat off to you.  I can sincerely say though, that the distance you have run in miles is nothing compared to the distance that I traveled from walking my first lap to completing a registration form.

     Frankly, I didn't sign up for races because I was scared.  I was scared of running an unknown course, of being out there alone, that I would miss a sign and go the wrong way,  come in last or not finish at all.  Mostly though, I  was scared of letting myself down.   I have been  my own worst enemy with so many things in the past.  Would this be another?   I didn't want to try and fail so publicly.  I was afraid that, if I set a goal and didn't reach it, it would shred  my confidence for trying anything new or unknown for a long, long time.

     Here's the thing:  We can watch our lives unfold passively from the sidelines or we can roll up our sleeves and get in the game which will greatly increase our chances of things turning out the way that we hope.  You see, what we do casually -- what we consider rudimentary,  has value and routinely adding a little bit to what

we are already doing increases our strength, will power and ability to accomplish more.    Listen, if you get up every day in a empty relationship and go through the motions feeling alone what would be the difference if you actually were on your own?  At least you wouldn't have to worry about what another person is or is not doing.  If you can balance a calendar containing multiple people and all their activities while managing to keep your home running smoothly why couldn't you replace one of those bullet points with a class you have always wanted to take to learn something new?  All I am saying is take a chance. Bet on YOU. You are already doing it.  We only get this one life; don't let time and circumstance steal it away.   You don't have to have all the answers today.   Just take one step in the right direction.  You will be surprised at how easy the next steps come.  You just have to be brave enough to take them.

     So, how did I get from fear to finish line?  Before the race I was in the ladies room for let's say, the umpteenth time that morning playing back every "what if" scenario that I could think of when God spoke to my heart and said,

Adrienne!  It's just Sunday.

What that meant was for the previous 6 weeks or more, I had been running between 3 and 5 miles every Sunday.  Not in preparation for anything -- just to do it.  God was reminding me that not only COULD I do it, but that I HAD BEEN doing it.  This time if was for the record, this time it was on purpose....but I was ready.

     I thank Him for that because suddenly everything was clear -- it really was just another Sunday.  I was happy, I was confident, and I finished my first OFFICIAL 6k (3.72 miles) in 51 mins. Faster than I ever had at home.

      I wish I could tell you that that was the beginning of my successful reign over the asphalt but it wouldn't be true. My hands shook as I typed in the registration for my next race.  Maybe that is something that I will always have to contend with, but  I will not let a temporary fear keep me from a permanent  accomplishment.  'Neither should you.   Someone asked me once what my secret to running is .  I said,  "After my first step I don't let my legs stop moving."  It really is that simple.  Whether you motivate yourself or life shoves you in a direction you didn't anticipate, set your foot down. Land on your feet. Take that first step and don't let your legs stop moving. You can do anything you want or need to.  You won't let yourself fail.   Go on.  Be brave.

 

 

An Inconvenient Tryth

I was told something yesterday that I had known in my heart for a long time.  I just avoided it, you know, like the elephant in the room that we have all heard about.  I couldn't put it off anymore so I asked a difficult question and after a long pause  heard the words I guessed would come.  You know what? Even though I was pretty sure about  the response I would get, it still hurt like hell, the double you over kind, where you feel like no one should be able to endure it and live -- that kind of hurt.  I stood there and took it, knowing that each word was like a prod to the elephant I had been avoiding.  The elephant that was now pacing defiantly in the middle of  room, daring me to do something about it.   Ready or not. 

 While comforting in the short term, self imposed naivete will always result in an elephant in the room.  We can put our feet up on it and pretend it is an ottoman, or drape it with a tablecloth, or decorate it like a Christmas tree,  but it is still an elephant, an inconvenient truth, that we may not want to, but have to face.

"Sure  she drinks everyday.   She needs help to relax."

"That's not abuse, that's passion." 
",,,no, no, really.  I'll pay you next Tuesday..."

"....I know. 'But he says loves me...?"

I am sure if none of these ring a bell you can add your own.

Even with the best of intentions we only prolong and inflate our personal cost when we can't be honest with ourselves and others.     Avoiding truth will not strengthen your relationship.  Ignoring signs does not allow room for a change that you know isn't coming and not talking about issues won't make them go away.  In fact I can tell you with certainty that it makes it worse because rather than get your pain all at once (which is bad enough) you get it little bit every day and with a nice nip at your self esteem to boot.  Lucky, huh? All I  had done  by avoiding the confrontation was postpone the inevitable. No matter what I hoped would happen, I couldn't pretend that the truth I already knew was a cute elephant shaped  "lamp" and dance around it any longer.

Here's the thing:  there is nothing to be gained from a lie and the worst lies are the ones we tell ourselves.   The truth, while inconvenient, painful, and hard sometimes, really does make you free .....or I know where you can get a deal on an extra large bag of peanuts and a giant pooper-scooper.

Trust me, you are gonna need them.

Off the Grid

I have been feeling a little disconnected.  I let things on my daily bullet list siphon away my prayer life and time alone in the Word.  My spiritual tank was way past empty, but I couldn't stop going even though I knew that I was burning everything I had down to nothing.  Then God, who loves us so, used a seemlingly unrelated event to open my eyes to the cavern I had wandered into, shining a light on the way back to the sun.  

This past weekend the power went out in my area for several hours.   My 3 year old granddaughter was staying over night so when she woke up, we got up and I made a fire in the fireplace.   We read stories, went for a long walk, and made an adventure out of making grilled cheese sandwiches, and warming cocoa and soup over the fire, all in an effort to keep her happy and occupied.  Personally I was going nuts!   I cannot tell you how many times I went into the bathroom and flipped the switch.  Oh, yeah, that's right.   No power.  I plugged my cell phone into the charger when it got low only to come back in 30 minutes after remembering that it couldn't charge and took it outside to charge with my car's battery which made that seem to get low. Good grief!   I decided to take Elah to lunch in a nearby city that hadn't been affected by the outage, but realized that my hair was all over my head and I couldn't flat iron it.  HA! It was freezing outside and  my heavy jeans were still in the washing machine from the night before, and on top of that I REALLY, REALLY, REALLY wanted some coffee.  Frankly, between tending the fire, entertaining a toddler and my lack of caffeine, I was dangerously close to just going out and lying in the middle of the street to wait for some truck to put me out of my misery.  LOL.  I  breathed a thankful sigh when the electricity came back on,  accepting that I am obviously a person that has to be plugged in. Girl, I laughed to myself, you are not one who can be living off the grid.  The Lord spoke to my heart and said, "No one is." 

  He presented me with a Heavenly instant replay of my day showing me that living without a connection to God is living without a power source.  When we do that we are literally existing off the GRID, without God's Resources, Inspiration and Discipline. Every decision will have to be  made using our own wisdom which is questionable.  Every action will have to be  executed under our own strength which is limited.   And  all moves will have to be calculated within our own ability and, let's face it, sometimes we are not the sharpest tacks in the box.  Here's the thing:  apart from God even the simplest tasks will be a challenge to us physically and mentally because we were not made to function in this world outside of our power source. Sure we can manage, but do we want to live each day settling for the make-dos and good enoughs  of a mediocre existence knowing somehow deep inside that,  as a good friend says, "better is always available?"  How much time do we really want to waste standing in the darkness, staring at the power cord, choosing for whatever reason not to plug it in?

You are my lamp, O LORD; the LORD turns my darkness into light.  Samuel 22:29

Resolution

This is the time of year when people think about making changes.  It seems natural to start a new year with a fresh attitude, healthy habit or mantra.  I can't tell you how many times I have been asked what my New Year's resolution will be.   Truthfully, I don't make them.  There is no time like the present to begin a good thing whether it is for myself or others, so why wait?  Besides, I think we set ourselves up to fail by pinning new endeavors to January 1st with the whole, great, big, long, year stretched out in front of us like a mine field where any missed step has the potential  to thwart our best efforts. This year, instead of making a resolution based on something we will start or stop doing, let's commit to adjust our resolution, like we would with a photograph, to see things more clearly, more practically, more realistically in the next twelve months.

Here's the thing:   Most of the time we are not blindsided by the events in our lives.   There are warnings. People who love us tip us off to issues that need to be addressed (usually more than once). Sometimes we get a sour feeling in our gut about people, situations, etc., but rather than take advantage of this God-given personal security system, we decide to whistle in the dark, hoping against history that our intuition is not right.  Let's choose not to do that.  Instead, let's fine tune our perception to see things how they really are so that we can bypass some of the rough spots that might be on the horizon this coming year.

Here are a few beacons of clarity to get you started:

- A person who lies to you will keep lying to you because it is apparently easy... and they want to.
- There is a marked difference between privacy and secrecy when it comes to any relationship.
- If you keep "taking it" they will keep "doing it."
- As adults, we are the only common denominator in our poor experiences.  Own your portion of the conflict so that at least that little bit won't be repeated.
- Reliving the same situations?  As my daughter says "Look at your choices, look at your life."
- The only thing surprising about a cheater who cheats again is that you believed them the second time.  Second chances are earned, not always deserved.
- Grow up.  It is amazing how clear our perception is when we put on our big girl/boy pants and stop crawling around on the floor.
-  Remember the things last year that you thought would break you? Well, here you are triumphantly looking back. It may not have been perfect. It may not have been pretty. But you're still standing.   LET'S BE CLEAR -you are stronger than you know.

 "When I was a child, I spoke  like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I grew up I put childish ways behind me.  For now we see in the mirror dimly; but soon we shall see face to face."
 Corinthians 13:11-12

Getting Back In the Ring

Someone said something to me last week that warped me back a few years in some strange

 Jedi, PTSD, flashback, trust mind trip.  I felt vulnerable and then angry because I felt vulnerable. Sigh.

Basically, I am having issues with trust.

I guess I have believed so much "sincere"garbage in the past that I've lost confidence in my ability to discern between fact and fiction in matters of the heart.  Now almost any act of tenderness in word or deed is suspect.  I put them under an emotional microscope dissecting them like worms in a science lab trying to see if they are sincere or if they have an expiration date. I know it is not fair, but I have chased many mirages in my life and I just don't want to be anybody's fool.  Somehow I have to find a happy medium  between optimistically "drinking the Kool Aid"   and pacing like a boxer with my dukes up, preparing for the  punch that I would most likely never see coming anyway. 

Maybe you know what I am talking about.

 Here's the thing:  There's no real way to protect ourselves from the disappointments of life especially when you care about people.   Somehow we have to reprogram ourselves to trust again,  accepting that that responsibility does not rest entirely with a potential partner, but in our own ability to trust ourselves to handle whatever may come and still be OK.  

I can't lie to you. It won't be easy getting back in the ring.  We are pretty BEAST to even think about trying this again, but be prepared to flinch -- a lot!  We may have to hire and fire a few people in our respective corners so that we have the support we need to go hard.   We will need to take care of ourselves physically and emotionally and do what it takes to get STRONGER. We'll learn how to bob and weave so next time, and  -- PRAISE  GOD, there will be a next time  -- we will see what's coming and avoid the punches all together so that, prayerfully, the next thing that knocks us into the middle of next week will be... Love.

For Good

 I got my final divorce decree in the mail a few weeks ago. I left it unopened on the table for awhile.    I knew that somehow when I opened it, even though I have lived on my own for some time, and even though I perpetuated it, "something" within me  would be different.  I will admit I was sad, but I trust that "...weeping endures for a night, but joy comes in the morning...."  so I  am hopeful.   Joy doesn't have to come today.  Just knowing that it is out there somewhere is enough for now.

Here's the thing: There are people who come into our lives forever or just for now. They are meant to help us grow, to inspire,  or help us change, and we are meant to do the same for them.  How we respond to one another and the situations we find ourselves in however, is our own decision.  While no one and no thing is perfect, if we do our best by and for the people in our lives we should have no regrets. It is a waste of  time and energy being sorry about anyone or any event that comes into our lives if we have truly given our all.  Instead, we must learn from them, the good and the not so good, prayerfully trading sorrow for strength and bitter for better.  If we can do that, nomatter what happens, we will all come out on the other side changed for "good."

Daylight Savings Time

Here's the thing:  I woke up this morning fully prepared to dash into gear getting ready for the day.  Then I remembered that it was Daylight Savings Time and settled back under the covers for a few more minutes. Ahhhh, nice.  More time.  No need to rush; what a gift! As I lay there I wondered how it would be to apply this idea to impact  our past, present or future in other aspects of our lives.



If there  was Childhood Savings Time would you...
    - Try out for that illusive team or club?
    - Do better in school?
    - Befriend that kid that always seemed to be sitting alone?

If there was Parenthood Savings Time would you...
    - Even if it had been a long day, read that favorite bedtime story again, and again?
    - Turn off "the game" to actually play a game?
   - Listen to your teen talk without interrupting because you know that the times that they                                  will want to talk, really talk, may grow few and far between?

If there was Sweetheart Savings Time would you...
    - Not complain about the way he helped but appreciate the effort?
   - Tell her what a wonderful mother, friend, companion she is and how grateful you are                                    that  she is in your life?
   - Even though it gets hot and you"really can't sleep that way", take the time to"spoon"                                      just because it's nice?

If there was Gospel Savings Time would you...
   - pray?
   - listen to the Holy Spirit?
   - share your witness with someone?

Wouldn't it be wonderful to turn back time to add a little more fun, a little more kindness, a little more peace, a little more love, and a little more Son Light to our day?

Memoir from a High School Variety Show

 Here are few random thoughts that I had while waiting for my son's Fall Variety Show concert to begin:
1.  Good,  30 minutes early I can sit up front.  Where is everybody?
2.  (Waving back)  Hi there! I don't know who you are, but I don't want to be rude.
3.  What? It starts at 730!! Are you kidding me? I'm going to kill Max.   I am an hour early for the show.
4. There is no WIFI in this building!! Aarrgh!
5. (Shopping list) milk, paper towels,  toilet paper, dish soap.......
6. Uh oh, there is a toddler. My goodness, what a cutie but please don't sit in front of me, please don't sit in front of me, please don't sit in front of me.......they are sitting n front of me.
7.  I need some chocolate.
8.  You can't save 10 seats. Seriously. What's wrong with you?
9.  Whew, ok. They passed the baby down the row.   All I need now is a big dude wearing a hat to sit in front of me.......Here he comes. Are you kidding me?
10. There go the lights; it's show time folks!


.   

This is the big guy that tried to sit in front of me. You thought II was kidding, didn't you?
  My son is the one with the big hair next to the girl in the green dress on the right .

Baggage Claim

Recently I got an email from someone who was giving me "credit" for doing them a great personal wrong.  Not only had I not done it, but I was unaware that it had even happened.    In the past, my first reaction would have been to apologize (even though I had nothing to do with it),  explain how I would never have done such a thing and then try to help them figure out why it happened.  I started composing a long sincere response -- and then I caught myself.  No.  I'm not going to do that anymore.    If this person knew me, knew me at all, they  would understand that that could not have come from me or at the very least would have asked, instead of accused, to find out the truth.

Here's the thing:   I have learned the art of  traveling  light.   When I first began this odyssey I had to discard things collected and treasured for years because,  moving from a home into an apartment, I knew I wouldn't have room to keep them. It was hard, but I had to let some things go knowing that  my life would be easier if I didn't have so much stuff.   This applies to personal challenges also.  People in our lives think that we don't have much to "carry" because of the way that we force ourselves to function no matter how we feel.  They don't see the effort and prayer (the blood, sweat and tears) that are put into making it through each day simply because we don't whine about it.  We make it look easy so they assume that it is, and periodically dump a load of their own baggage onto our backs.    They don't want any advice. They don't want us to help them weed through some of the garbage in their bags that make them too cumbersome to carry on their own. Oh no!  They just want to drop it on us in a pitiful game of  "Here. You throw this away."

If this is your experience this is what I think we should do and it begins with a proclamation:

NOW HEAR THIS!   The __________ (insert your name) Unclaimed Baggage Office is now closed.   Come get your hang-ups, relationship problems, money issues, job difficulties, misplaced anger, guilt, shame, and any names that you may have left behind for me to label myself with..  This office is no longer willing or able to schlep these items around for you.  Please see the new No DUMPING sign at the edge of the property, and note that any complaints must be typewritten in triplicate, notarized, and deposited directly into the orifice of your choice because my give a damn is broken and repairs are cost prohibitive.

It's not that I am insensitive to your needs. I care about you and want to hear everything you have to say about anything you want to talk about, but when it comes to your emotional baggage.........?

You don't have to take it home, but it can't stay here.

Thank you,
Management.

Whether Patterns

Today was perfect.  The sun was shining, there was a breeze and the air was clean and cool. It was a"rest" day as far as my running regimen is concerned but I couldn't resist.   Besides, I know that inclimate days are coming when it won't be easy to throw on my running shoes and get outside.  Before too long the cold in the air will make my fingers turn red and every breath feel like icicles piercing my lungs. No matter what though, I can't allow  changes in the weather to stop the good that I have done for my body and my spirit.  I owe it to myself to move, hot or cold, rain or shine, good weather or bad.

Here's the thing: We allow many things outside of ourselves to control how we feel and what we do everyday. Not just the weather,  but the "whether."  Whether or not he calls. Whether or not she apologizes.   Whether or not you feel vindicated, validated or heard, etc. Just as we cannot allow the weather to determine if we have a good day or not, we cannot allow the"whether" in our lives to do that either.   Be prepared for everything.  Buy a hat, put  gloves in your pocket, get your ear buds  in to shut out the nay sayers and keep on "keepin' on.."  Don't allow the changes in the whether patterns of your life to stall your forward press.

Oxygen

When was the last time you said, Wait a minute. I need to have a moment to myself? Hardly ever? That's me, too. It is not that I don't need it.  I just seldom believe that I have the time to do it.  Everyday has a punch list, a series of "have to's or must do's" that need to be satisfied by the end of the day or.... Or what? What will happen?  Will worlds collide? Will the sky fall in? Will the sun go black?

We are all busy. We have schedules and meetings and play dates, etc. and that doesn't count the things around the house that need attention; including the people we love.  We have our own personal Honey Do Top Ten, but I can tell you that if we do not put ourselves on that list, all the work and rushing around will be for nothing. I have found that if I don't take time for myself,  to say a prayer, to rest my bones, to clear my head -   I become a fatigued, frustated, mess; no good for myself or anyone else.

I was talking about this with a friend  who is a flight attendant.  We were going back and forth concerning our lives,  wondering why it is so hard to put the breaks on when we need to and she  said it was like the oxygen announcement that she makes at the beginning of a flight.   You have heard it before - the flight attendants tell you what to do if the cabin loses pressure, how the oxygen masks will fall from the panel above your seat and that "... If you are traveling with children, or are seated next to someone who needs assistance, place the mask on yourself first, then assist the others." What?   Heck no!  We are putting those  oxygen masks on EVERYONE on that plane before ourselves, ignoring the common sense in the warning, ignoring the alarms, and dismissing the oncoming dizziness because  we are INVINCIBLE!   We will be ok.  We can wait.  We can handle it.  We can........(unconscious).    You can't help laughing when you think of it that way.  It sounds ridiculous, because it is.

Here's the thing:  Everyone says that they would die, lose a limb, or take a bullet for the people they love.  Sounds noble, right?  Just as fearless, though, is the person who is willing to live for the ones they love, to lose a line item off the list, to take a break.  All the good that we want to do and everything we hope to accomplish will fall short if we neglect ourselves - physically and mentally.  You can not share what you do not have so before you rush off today to complete the next big thing or person on your list...

      Be still and rejuvenate.  

    Stop and read a devotion. 

             Rest your mind.

             Smell a flower.  
               Call a friend. 

           Refresh yourself.  

                                                      

                     Breathe.                                                                                                                            

Pearls on a Pig

 A friend of mine related a story about  a young girl that we both know.  I'll call her "Suzy".  Suzy has grown up on a wing and a prayer without any guidance from home.  Consequently she has no direction and her choices have proven it.  She became pregnant very young and in short work the baby had to be  taken away by social services.  Within a year she is pregnant again and called my friend asking for money, saying that she was homeless, in another city, and hadn't eaten in 24 hours.  My friend was going to send her some help until Suzy mentioned not sending the money in her name but in the name of some man because "she didn't have any ID."  Really?  Seriously?  The story went on and on until my friend told her "Look, I will set you up at a shelter so you can rest tonight out of the cold and get something to eat and  I will arrange transportation to get you there, but no cash."

She didn't hear from Suzy after that.

That whole situation is enough to make you sick.  Not only for what is happening presently, but what transpired before.  What I mean is children come into the world perfect,  precious gems ready to be filled with goodness, having all the bells and whistles necessary to become everything they were born to be and the people in their lives screw them up.  At some point Suzy's family dropped the ball;  She barely had a chance from the moment she took her first breath and here she is passing the baton to another generation heaping the burden of brokenness onto the back of another little person.  Broken people, break people.  How can you stop that cycle?  Where does it end?

Some people live their lives like tumbleweed blown across the desert, picking up riff-raff (who are all too eager to join this expedition to Nowhere) like a giant dysfunctional lint roller.   They drift on the breezes of life, getting stuck on fences, cacti or rocks, living at the mercy of the elements until there is nothing to show that they ever existed,  except a mound of dust where roots should be.....and little seeds scattered everywhere exposed on the desert floor, baking in the sun.

Here's the thing:  It is never too late to make a good decision.  Some alterations may need to be made to the original plan, but the right thing on Monday is still the right thing on Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, etc   especially if you wake up one morning wondering, "How the heck did I end up here?"

One of my favorite Bible stories is that of the Prodigal Son, not because of the father's faith, but because the son (after making many very public missteps) had the courage to acknowledge that he had squandered his life to the point where he was literally living and eating with pigs. "You know what?", he said,  "This isn't working.  I am going home."  I know it's not always that simple but, most of the time, pride and courage are the only things that stand between us and better circumstances.   This is especially significant if there is a child in your life watching and making mental notes, who will oneday use your decisions (or lack thereof) like a blueprint.  It is OK to begin again, and in the successful life it will happen often, if we allow ourselves to learn.  Things only go sour and stay that way if we stand in the muck of the sty, ignoring the overwhelming stench, determined to put our pearls on a pig.

The Tao of Treading

On the news the other day I saw the story of a man who  had fallen off of his boat. He treaded water for upwards of 8 hours until help finally arrived. Many times he saw boats passing  or a helicopter flying overhead  but they couldn't find him in the waves.  Discouraged, he considered giving up and allowing himself to sink down into the abyss, exhausted and frustrated that he would perish out in the open but not in plain sight. I can only imagine the thoughts that went through his mind as he paddled and prayed and the hours ticked away.

Right now I feel as though I am  treading waters of my own.   I see things changing around me for other people, but I can't seem to, for the llife of me, be a part of it.   I am not moving forward but I certainly can't go back and the realization that I'm out here, wherever "here" is, is sinking in.   I have to encourage myself,  sculling my hands, egg beating my feet, and stretching my neck  to keep my head above water spying for that beacon, that search light on the horizon.

 Do you ever feel like that?   'Like there is a hole in your boat and you only have a spoon. 'Like one more gulp of water and you will go under?  'Like you are just getting by?   Are you treading water, too?

Here's the thing: As lonely, desperate and exhausting as it is there is Tao  (tao: source, path, route) in treading.  As weak as you may feel,  if you can tread, you have power, you can think, you have a will.  If you can tread you ARE moving forward because staying above is not falling below. If you are treading, know that not everyone can do what you're doing

right now.and many give up and fall away just before relief comes.  If you are treading today understand that there are people waiting for you, you may not have even met them yet but they are treading  too and hopeful that someone  (You)  will come along and give them a hand up.  Don't disappoint them; don't disappoint yourself.  This may be taking longer than either of us expected, but we are not drowning - keep treading. 

Look!  There's a light in the distance......and  it's getting closer.

Smile

Here's the thing:  Some days are better than others  Following are a few random things that help me find my happy place when I seem to have lost my map.  Add some of yours.  The more the merrier for all of us.

• Chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream - Lets be honest the ice cream is optional.
• Cool, crisp sheets on your bed.
• Judge Judy. I know this may be a stretch for some but it is a guilty pleasure of mine. At the very least, for a moment, you can relish the fact that you are not airing your dirty laundry on TV and you are currently not being sued.
• Exercise.  For me it is running.  "It is impossible to feel sorry for yourself while you are running."   A friend told me that once and I can tell you it is 100% true.  There is something empowering about willing your body to move when you feel like the bottom of a shoe. 
• Scented candles
• Boy shorts.  They make your behind look great no matter what size you are.  Pull on your big girl panties, get in front of a mirror and enjoy the fabulous!! 
• Any poems written by Shel Silverstein.  My personal favorite: 

                                                      

• Forest Gump, Lillies of the Field, The Odd Life of Timothy Green,Yours Mine and Ours (the original with Henry Fonda and Lucille Ball), A Family Thing...among others.
• Big or small-a soft hand to hold.
• "I Smile" by Kirk Franklin.  It may not be something that all of you are used to, but listen to it.  I guarantee you will have a better outlook for today.  Here's the link if the attached video doesn't play.  Trust me, it is worth a look.   http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z8SPwT3nQZ8

                           and remember.

A merry heart doeth good, like a medicine. Proverbs 17:22

Trivial Pursuits

Yesterday  I watched a pair of ducks trying to get upstream. I am sure that the flow is usually gentle and easy but it had stormed so there was more water and wind than normal.  They struggled against the waves getting forced back against the rocks with every attempt, exhausting themselves.  Finally, one duck paddled to the bank  and although slipping on the wet stones a few times, successfully walked over the rocks and around the little rapids to the other side of the water they had been trying so hard to swim to. The other duck watched his buddy walk to the bank  they were trying to reach, but contiued to struggle where he was.   It made me think about how often I embark on stubborn, trivial pursuits in  my own life.

As comfortable as we may be with a certain way of doing things it is silly, when faced with new circumstances, to expect old methods to produce the same results. That is exactly what we do however, when a new normal brings with it issues that we don't want to accept.  Honestly, there are elements of my own new normal  that I have avoided for reasons that range from  unfamiliarity to "I just don't like this." Because of that I am constantly bracing for something to happen,  or waiting for the "other shoe to drop", not fully enjoying the present because I am worried about the future. That's no way to live; in fact it's not  living at all.

There will be different stages in all of our lives and they all won't Inspire celebration. Struggling  against our new normals is an exercise in futility. We  exhaust ourselves, and  get  no where all the while scratching our heads in disbelief that the tried and true methods of the past aren't working.  I'm not suggesting that you give up your forward press because you are faced with obstacles.  I am just saying that sometimes when the circumstances change you have to decide to go forward a different way.

Like those ducks doing what they had always done to get upstream  I thought that the path I was on for my life and the way I was living it would never change.  That was not the case. I found that  I was trying to move forward in one direction while my companion was not and the tide got increasingly rough. lt didn't matter how dedicated I was or how hard my feet were kicking.  I (we) were getting no where.  Here's the thing:  sometimes the peaceful streams that we are used to, change.   Sometimes it  rains (a lot). Sometimes the winds are brutal.  Sometimes the waves get rough. As our lives unfold we will lose precious time flailing against the current until we acknowledge that there has been a change and act accordingly.  A new normal isn't bad...it's just new and we  have to  be brave enough or sick and tired enough to raise up and do something different.

Death by DMV

Max, all grown up now.

Here's the thing:  My son talked me into taking him to test for his Learner's Permit in the middle of the day.   As a rule I never go to the DMV unless I can be there when the doors open because that kind of pitiful waiting drives me crazy.  These are a few random observations while captive with the rest of humanity at the  Department of Motor Vehicles earlier this week. Some of the names have been changed to protect the innocent.

• ....DMV at 12:30 in the afternoon.   What was I thinking?
• ....T93  -  that's not so bad, right? I'm sure they'll call us soon.
• . ...Awwww, cute baby!
• ....Oooh,  a triple word score in Words With Friends... Awesome!!!
• ... Now serving A221?  A221?  What happened to the "T"s.  T93 to be exact. Aren't we going backwards !?
• ....Good grief grandma, how long are you going to talk about your lemon custard?
•  ...Yeah lady, that's your kid smelling like that. We all know it's him; you aren't fooling anyone.
• ...No, Max, MY VOICE DOESN'T CARRY....
• ... Now serving D24.  Really, D24? I got your D24 right here, sister....
• ....Is this guy still talking to me?  If there is a zombie apocalypse he will be the first one I shove out the door.
• ...Why is Hanukkah spelled Chanukah sometimes?
• ..Now serving R32.   R32? Seriously?
• ...Look at those samples.  Who on earth would want a yellow license plate; I'm jus' sayin'.
• ....We are going to die here....There is no chance we will ever get out of here alive.....I should write about this....
• ....Oh! You passed? Congratulations, Max. Good job. I'm glad we came.
• ...No, you can't drive home today.